By Aidan Aragon | City of Upham, Sawyer County

Coming to Badger Boys State, I was nervous; I only knew one other guy who was attending. I knew we would not see each other very often, and I was truly scared.

Signing up alone was hard because of what I had been told beforehand.

I get that you all had fun, I get that you all made friends for life, but I am not like you. The guys who I associated with BBS were real “dude-bro” types that fit nearly perfect into the cookie cutter of heteronormativity.

At the time it did not matter to me if anyone pushed me to go because that fear would still be there.

I arrived at BBS. I did not say much. I wanted to crawl back into that closet that I pushed myself out of three years ago and slammed the door.

Yet I had hope. Though no one within my city ran in whipping around rainbows or reciting the discography of Britney Spears, I found some people and with them came an urge.

At my city meeting every night, until Wednesday, it lolled around the tip of my tongue and I exchanged it between sweaty palms, all the while fearing discovery. However, the assembly on Wednesday night changed everything.

In defending my “Leadership Purpose” to a fellow citizen, I outed myself. Heart climbing into my mouth, beating a mile a minute, and… nothing happened. I found that I trusted that fellow citizen yet felt far from revealing myself in such a way to any other newly minted friends.

But then came the assembly. Sitting before all of BBS were five men, who, when walking into that room, I could never have expected it to take me where we went next.

“Unhealthy” or “toxic” masculinity is a problem we all face but do not generally wish to acknowledge was the discussion. In all my wildest dreams, I had not expected that discussion.

The conversation varied from forcing one’s self to participate in socially considered “masculine” activities to suppressing horrific memories of war, and while all the speakers carry my utmost respect and gratitude, one stuck out for me.

Counselor Cory Roseth talked about what it means to “be a man” while also being gay.

I was stunned.

Yes, the preceding words he spoke did seem as though they were leading somewhere, I was not prepared for this. I was looking at someone as they basically came out to nearly 900 people.

I was having difficulty coming out to around 35 other people. The things he was talking about were the things I felt and the gravity of that action in a space that is admittedly heteronormative, almost hetero-centric, was tremendous.

It was freeing.

I hope to say that I was not the only gay person within the audience who felt that and was possibly relieved by it. Going into this, there was no idea as to how it would turn out.

“My biggest fear when coming out was that my parents would abandon me,” Roseth said.

That is a fear so many gay people know so well, and it followed me here. Thankfully there was Counselor Cory to alleviate some of that stress.

While it is given that not everyone took what happened seriously in the moment, it can almost be assured that it hit home in the cities. At Upham, voices waivered, eyes watered, and secrets came out.

We allowed ourselves to be vulnerable, and to take strength in that vulnerability. We trust each other, and though I did not expect it, I feel I have made those life-long friends and the week is not over yet.